I am sorry once again for not posting in awhile. You guys deserve better. Thanks for all the love I have received.
So onward and upward as my old friend Mr. Forrest always said. I have been here for about a month and a half. I am having a little trouble getting used to the surroundings here. The house is a great house full of Vets, but smack dab in the middle of the ghetto. I have not had any issue here, but sometimes the PTSD kicks in and I get paranoid and start to panic. The food here is great and plentiful, easy to become overweight.
One thing I can say is that paperwork is getting done here. It has been a very long time since being responsible was a priority for me. It feels great and sometimes very stressful. For years I would just drink to avoid doing the shit I needed to take care of. Drive on I say.
My support group, which includes you all has been a blessing. I sometimes cry when thinking about the harm and neglect I bestowed upon the people that truly love me. I love everyone of you right back! I learned in this process the unless I'm honest with myself, you will never hear the truth from me. Baby steps...
I have been extremely lonely, looking to find the right combination of NA/AA meetings and extra curricular activities. My groove is out there and I know I will find it soon. Any suggestions? I need to find a sponsor as well.
Memorial day is this weekend and Paul got some really good Yankees tickets, yee haw. I need to get away once in while and look forward to camping this summer at Lake George on a regular basis.
Getting to work has a bit more difficult for me then first thought. My best wishes go out to all that are jobless. Things can only get better for all of us. Stay strong, Rod Barry loves you all.
LAST WORD: Up to 194 solid pounds now! Watch out for the piggy flu. Remember SARS, bird flue, West Nile, and that real killer lime disease. When these hit people they are serious, it just seems there is a scare of something about twice a year. Jerked-off last night, felt good. Once again, LOVE YA'LL.
ROD
Thursday, May 21, 2009
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25 comments:
It's so good to hear from you again Rod. I've missed reading your updates on your progress.
I think once you've got your life sorted out it'll be easier to get back into work but you have to completely focus on getting better first. You're well on your way.
I wish I could do more to support you but it's a bit difficult from across the Atlantic but I always wish you the best and will continue to support you through your blog.
Thanks for the post, we missed you. One day at a time, soldier. Wishing you well every day.
Thanks for the post! it's good to hear that you are hanging in there. We are proud of you!
So glad that your doing well...
My mom is in AA and has been sober for over 18 yrs so it is possible. Some days will surely be easier then others but as you know its one day at a time. I do miss you onscreen in new movies, but I would rather have you off screen and taking care of yourself then going down the same road that you had been.
Wish you all the love and support on your new journey.
BTW, dude, the next time you jerk off, have somebody take a PICTURE, of it, and post it on here! Your dick seems underexposed lately. It needs to come out and say howdy!
way to go rod, keep hanging in there, we're all rooting for you.
Hey, are you really on Facebook or is it someone posing as you? (I know it happens with stars...) Just asking because I couldn't find an 'official' link anywhere pointing to you on FB and I'm on there and would like to add you... Thanks!!
~KV
hey Rod,
first time i've read your blog. i'm 51 months without crystal, after more than 20 years of being a speed freak. also suffer from PTSD from childhood sexual abuse-panic attacks, miniscule self-esteem, self-medicating, the whole nine yards. i've done it by myself, not easy, but am here to wish you the best of luck, and i mean the very best. i've enjoyed your work probably as long as you've done films, starting with Don's Body Shoppe flicks. one day at a time, one hour at a time. i've finally started to do the art i always had in the back of my mind-you'll find your groove too. what is it you've always had in the back of YOUR mind? you may know what it is you should do already. sending love and best thoughts-casey
sending love and best thoughts.
hey Rod,
just read some of your older posts. maybe i was mistaken about Don's Body Shoppe vids. i have hundreds of Dirk Yates early vids, and that must be where i saw you first. Don is in San Diego also though, so maybe there was some crossover between the 2 companies. i agree with your summation of Dirk's movies-they always seemed to easy going-not all crazy like Bobby Garcia's (the poppers queen)
again, i wish you all good things,
casey
Suggestions for extra curricular activities? Get outside as much as you can...Whether it's the New Yankee Stadium, the Poconos or the Hudson River Valley...Taking in fresh air will totally help. Crystal-lite-infused water is an excellent alternative to drinks/beer/soda.
Rod,
So glad that you are doing great with your recovery. Keep up the good work. I wish you the best in all that you do. IF you ever get down to the deep south email me.
Alex
I've always had such a crush on you - so cute and such a great personality. Wow, a cute guy with a nice personality in porn?! :)
Think you must be the only one!
It's wonderful to read that you're battling your demons and winning. Been there, so I know it's hard. It's worth it, though, and you know it.
Best of luck to you!
Scott in Richmond, VA
just checking in to see how you're doing, Rod.
: )
I miss you sexy man. I am also very proud of you. You are by far the hottest dude out there. What I would not give to meet you? Keep up the good work Rod.
It is so good to see you are doing so well and looking sexier than ever! Keep that chin up babe..You know you can do this,fighters never quit! As for jerking off I would love to assist in that..hell yeaah!! Always look to the brighter side and get outdoors as much as you can. Nature can be a wonderful healer for mind,body and soul. Hang in there..much love to you!
Way to go, man. Hang in. You got many folks rooting for you!
Hi Rod. I have enjoyed your work in movies for a long time. Have only read your blog here a couple times, but I just wanted to compliment you on your writing skill. You are a good writer, and your voice comes through in a nice, natural style. I hope you enjoy writing it.
As far as your other endeavors, all the best to you. You have made a lot of people happy over the years. Again, good luck to you.
hey Rod-
hope everything is going all right. it's been a while since you posted. i battle the demons everyday, too. you're not alone. happy first day of summer-connecticut here-right next to new york. i'm sure you're as sick of the rain as i am! peace to you.
Hey Rod - I just stumbled upon your twitter page and blog...I got clean two years ago here in NJ, I left the wild life in L.A. after 25 years of running. I try to work a program, I have a sponsor and am reaching out to you in the even you want someone in your network who identifies with a lot of what you are dealing with. Hit me back with a way we can chat
damn. brother, i feel you about the VA continually being a disappointment in regards to PTSD treatment. i got so fed up w/the VA in Arizona that i stopped dealing with them entirely for a year & a half. i recently moved to New England to try & start over, and also to sort of be a sponsor to one of my army buddies.
here's my (truncated)two cents: when you start getting antsy, just do yourself a favor & take a walk. baby steps get easier in time, i promise.
anyway, best of luck.
--j.
Are you somewhere in the world today, Rod?
More and more is passing without any contact from our star. Are you closing the book in this part of your life? Let us know.
I know life changes, but you are clearly someone that I have looked up to since the beginning. I hope that we can hear from you soon.
Hi Rod
So much time between posts. Does this mean you are closing the chapter on your career and fans? Let us know, we can handle it.
Every time he has been gone for so long, it didn't mean he wasn't sober and okay. It's been a long time, but I hope and pray he's just fine, busy but well! But Rod, you do make us worry! Check in soon!
Just another voice in the chorus telling you that I stand behind you. Wherever you are at this moment, you have tons of support from all of us It's the least we could do to give back.
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