Hope in the Winter

There's a pretty diverse mix of people here -- from the city and from the country, and from other states. It's kind of like being back in the military, like being in bootcamp where you have people from all walks of life. Some people have been homeless, others have been very successful, but just couldn't hang on to sobriety. Some people have been back here seven or eight times. It makes you wonder what their motivation is -- if they ever really plan on quitting drinking, if they just wanted a break, or they're here because the courts made them come here, or if they're hiding from someone. like their drug dealer or whatever. Sometimes it's hard to read people. sometimes people talk a big game. I'm very good at reading people's bullshit. And I can call out people, but that doesn't do anything to help my recovery.

The cold weather here is a bit hard to deal with -- especially considering that I left southern California to come here. My body is just not climatized. When I complain about the cold, they say, "Oh you're from upstate New York, you should be able to deal with it." I tell them: "I've been living in southern California for more than 13 years. I'm not really climatized." The get a chuckle out of that. The weather's been crazy. It is was 41 degrees last week, then yesterday it snowed again.

I've been having some issues with the mediucal staff. I still don't think my medication is right -- I've had a lot of trouble sleeping and I've expressed my discontent to the staff , but to no avail. There's no reason why I shouldn't be able to sleep.

On the other hand, I am in great shape now. I came in here at 155 lbs, but I'm up to 178 now. That is really great. My family tells me that when I was home over the holidays that I looked terrible. I'm glad they are being honest with me. I knew I looked terrible. I didn't want to go see anybody because I knew I looked so bad. But that's over now. I don't want to look in the rear view anymore. The only thing in the past that I look at now are the problems I created for myself, which I'm in the process of fixing.I've been working on my discharge plans from day one -- the counselors here suggest you pick at least 4 plans, some of them involve more treatment, some involve going to school. I'm really interested in something in the medical field -- perhaps in the veterans program. The have a great program here for finding the right spot for you. so I'm optimistic about it all. I have a lot of hope. Some days are good, some days are bad, but I can only take it one day at a time.

Thanks for hanging in there guys.

Adios & love,

Rod

P.S. And don't forget to visit the Rod Barry Theater -- where you check out some of my movies and we can jerk-off together.